The Sin of Doubt

I hope that to sometimes doubt the teachings of world religions is a pardonable sin. I am inclined to believe it is. If by chance it isn’t, all of us are doomed to eternal damnation. Too often I am overwhelmed with doubt when I think of the pain and suffering so many people all over the world endure each day. Too often I doubt that anything can or will be done about it. There are times when the grief from the loss of a loved one is incredibly painful, and the temptation to wonder if the salvation that we read about, and the resurrection the preachers preach about is really, really there. Over and over again, I have retreated to my reservoir of faith, and yes, I have wondered if someday I will go there and find it empty.

Who among us have not wondered if God is really there? Surely, at least once in your life, you have wondered if the atheists are right, and all that we behold is some kind of crazy cosmic coincidence. Did somebody make it all up to explain the unexplainable? Do we need religion to maintain our mental health when those we love die? Do we need it to justify and enforce our preferred standards of social and moral conduct?

I recently read a book called “Who’s Who in the Bible”. It was produced by National Geographic and is a beautiful, leather-bound volume that is the best explanation of what is going on in the bible that I have ever seen. It explains the events chronologically, provides excellent maps to pinpoint geographically where events took place, provides biographical information for major characters, and provides a historical context that allows the reader to understand the culture of the times in which the events took place. I have been going to church since the day I was born. Despite all of the sermons, bible studies, prayer meetings, and casual discussions with friends, I was never aware of the tales of violence, sex, deception, indiscretion, conniving, conspiracy, and outright evil-doing that can be found throughout this incredible book. The reality is that the people depicted in the bible were very similar to us. They had similar fears and desires, the same vices and virtues, they lived and they died, loved and fought wars, just as we do. They too, had their doubts.

Samuel Johnson once said that “Courage is the greatest of all virtues, because if you haven’t courage, you may not have an opportunity to use any of the others.” It takes great courage to have faith in God when you are consumed by grief. Only courage brings one back from the precipice of surrender. It takes courage to recover from a broken heart. Courage allows us to march on when faced with fear and despair.

What I have come to realize is that faith cannot erase all doubt. Perhaps it is a good thing that it does not. Most educators would agree that doubt is the foundation of inquiry, which is the foundation of learning. On the other hand, ignorance is fed by certainty, and that very lack of doubt creates the intolerance that causes so many of the problems in our modern society.

One of the questions that I have struggled with for most of my life remains unanswered. I have always wondered if Christianity is the only pathway to salvation, to resurrection, to heaven…. Then what happened to all of the good people that lived and died before the birth of Jesus Christ? What about all of the people that lived and died on the other side of the world and were not aware of the Christian movement at all? What about the countless good people of the world that are and were faithful practitioners of other religions?

As Jesus was being crucified on the Cross, he is believed to have cried out in anguish, “My God, My God, why has thou forsaken me?” I have always wondered if Jesus himself had doubt. Why didn’t he smile? Why didn’t he calmly anticipate the heavenly reward he was surely due for the life he had led on earth?

If doubt is a sin, I am guilty.  

But who among us can legitimately claim to understand it all? If our intellect is finite, how can it hope to comprehend the infinitesimal? Every time I find myself attending the funeral of someone I love, I search for comfort in the mysticism of it all.

Now, I realize that I really don’t have to figure it out. I will find out soon enough.